Being Analytical

So, I have a friend that is awesome! He knows a TON about music, much more than I do. I think that is about the coolest thing about him, he can tell you all about different songs, I can't do that. BUT I am a poet, I can paint you a picture with my words, which is odd. It takes me a LONG time to decipher a song, and yet I can tell you what a poem means after reading it twice. Even odder, most of the time, I can sing along the second or third time that I have heard a song, but ask me to recite a poem and my mind goes blank.

No worries though. I have it all figured out. I can be the writer, with my imagery in my head. I will think of ways to hide the meaning. Instead of pronouncing my feelings or the idea so that it is clear, I will find a way to hide the messages! HHAA! I'll maketh him guess!!

I just think it would be fun to hide the meaning for once. Mom said I needed counseling last night after she read one of my old poems. She thought I was depressed when I wrote it, I was just as happy as could be when I did. I can just paint an image with my words, not to toot my own horn, but I just realized how good I am.

I have not ever thought I was any good until recently. I showed a poem to several of my 'online friends' and one of them said "Tragic.....and it somehow draws you into the pain...nicely done."

That may not seem like much to many of you all, but that just struck me. I apparently have more talent than I let myself think. Now I just need to be able to hide myself in a piece. Hmmmm.....ideas?? Leave some comments!!

My Personal Haunting

I can still feel your arms around me,

but I know you are not there.

I can still smell your scent,

but I still know you are not there.

I can still hear your voice saying my name,

i know you are not there.

Oh, how your memory haunts me.

I can still taste your kiss on my lips,

but I know you are not there.

I can even still see you there in the bed,

but I know you are not there.

You are still lingering about, everywhere,

But i know you are Not there!

Your memory haunts me, heart and soul.

I miss it, all of it, but please, let me go.

I am in agony, torn between present and past

Who I am, is drifting away fast.

I try to let you go, but I can't.

You are here, haunting me.

I feel like I am holding on to a dream,

a fantasy, my perfect fairy tale.

I can't have it though, your grip is too strong.

Please, I want freedom again, please let me go.

I am begging you, your memory is like a

chain and ball. I try to escape, but again I fall.

I remember the fire in your touch,

the electricity in your sweet embrace.

I remember the comforting fragrance of your skin,

the smell of your shirt, as I rest on your chest again.

I remember that voice, soft and smooth as you sang for me,

as you whispered how you missed me.

I remember the taste of your kiss, lingering on my lips.

That precious, spontaneous first kiss.

I remember you on the couch, sitting there as

you held me, and I held you close.

I am torn, even more. I can't let go and I want to move on.

Your memory captivates me, I can't get away from you.

I don't know what I should do.

Your memory is haunting me,

I need some light to lift the darkness.

This place terrifies me,

I am alone with my memories. I miss you,

and I love you, but if you have one shred

of love left for me, please let me go.

Let me move on, I do not want to forget,

I just want to move on.

Please let me go.

Please...

Paul Leaving Celtic Thunder--I support That.

Today is a sad day, I just found out that one of my favorite members of Celtic Thunder is leaving the group after the tour. I'm so torn between being heart broken and exceedingly glad. I absolutely love all the lads of the group and I will be so sad to see them leave. I knew one day they would part their ways, and I knew that each of them would take time to develop their solo career.

I just never expected Paul to be the first to leave. I figured it would be Neil or George to leave first. I don't rightly know when to expect Keith to leave since his solo album still needs put together. :) I am going to miss Paul's beautiful voice, and I am happy that I got to see him LIVE at least once before I heard the news.

I will support each and every one of the lads as they pursue their solo careers. I am like the fan that won't quit. I may not be a super fan, I may not be the fan at every single show, the one that always sends them stuff, the one that is always blogging, the one that is totally consumed....I am the fan that fell in love with each and every one of them during "It's Entertainment" and because I saw the potential in them, I am the one that will keep them in my prayers, keep playing the music, keep watching the videos, keep telling my friends about them, keep introducing my friends to each one's unique style, keep on posting little blips about them every so often.....

I want to always support each of the lads, and I will always love the way they sounded as an ensemble. But as each lad breaks off and spreads their wings to fly, I will be the one in the back, supporting them. Praying for them, hoping the best for them, singing their songs, playing them out loud for the world to hear, I will risk being the dork that plays music from 2010 way off in the future.

I can assure you today, Celtic Thunder and all of the lads will be something that I hold onto for the rest of my life. I will always love the guys, and I will always remember the moments I had listening to them, the moment I fell in love, the moment I shared them with my best friend, the moment I followed them on the social networks, the moment I learned all of their names, the moments on youtube, the moments I realized I knew the words to sing along, the moments I spent joking in an Irish accent, all the moments I shared with my loved ones talking about something said on twitter, all the nights dedicated to each of the lads, I will remember and cherish every single moment that contained a lad from CT.

Celtic Thunder, Paul, Keith, George, Damian, Ryan, and Neil will never die with me. I will share them with my family and with anyone who wants to be in my life. Paul will be remembered forever as a member of CT and as a Solo Artist.

Now with all that out of the way,, I am not obsessed like some people believe, I just have a thing for Irish folks. Because I am of Irish heritage, I instantly have a connection with the people. I may seem obsessive, but I feel the same way about certain members of Celtic Woman. I don't want to see Chloe leave, but if she or Margret ever choose to, I will feel the same way.

God bless you all and thank you for hearing my opinion.

You Are...

When I wake in the mornings, it is you I want to see.

I love you with every ounce of my soul.

You are my best friend, my forever lover, my reason for life.

You are my muse, my movie, my playmate, you are my all.

I say this to you because I want to spend my life in your arms.

You are my Romeo, my Oberon, and my Music of the Night.

You are my Angel, my shining star, and my Endless Sunlight.

Oh, how I love you, how I want you here with me.

You could be the King, and I shall be your Queen,

We could live in a far off castle, come, fly away with me.

Oh, my love, please hear me through,

I am nothing but lost without you.

I love you so much that it hurts sometimes.

You are my library, my favorite book.

Love is our recipe, we are the cooks.

Never leave me, always love me, this is all I ask,

I don't know how I will live if our love does not last.

I love you with all my heart, and from you, I shall never part.

Stay here with me, Completely here with me, Love me, Choose me.

Let life be the canvas, and love be the paint, we will be the masters,

the artists until we grow faint.

Come away with me my love, oh please come away.

If you can't see what I have said thus far,

Then come with me, I will show you who you are.

The Pain I feel

The darkness comes, over powering me.

I cannot see my way out.

The light is gone and the darkness is cold.

The anger is coming now.

Like a blazing fire, it gets hot, and i cant see straight.

I see the red oozing like a festering sore.

It's getting worse, i feel fire in my veins.

I feel the rage building up.

I am ready to strike, like a snake I await the time to strike.

My enemies run in fear, I am evil waiting to happen.

I haven't been mad like this before. I only see red.

This is not a good place, for anyone.

I hear a noise, sharp, fierce, and terrifying.

I hear a scream, a yelp, someone is crying.

I don't care, I have exploded. My wrath has been brought.

I warned many not to push me. One day it would come.

Soon, I feel a rush of warmth, I look, there is blood.

The warm, red fluid runs down my hand.

What happened? How did this get here,

Where is the blood coming from?

I look, a pile of flesh cowering in the floor,

fear in their eyes. I did this?

What happened? Why, where did this come from?

I don't know how this came to be.

This isn't me. I can't, I didn't, did I?

It's not possible for me to act this way,

I am not a violent person.

I feel tears rushing my face now.

The person in the floor is terrified of me.

He walks in. I am bleeding, they are bleeding,

He looks at me. No, wait! Don't leave me.

"I'M SORRY!" I scream! I'm sorry.

He just stands there looking at me.

I crumple into the floor, my hands are shaking violently now.

He is still standing there, looking at us.

I look at the flesh pile, she is smiling at me,

I am shaking, I can't remember.

"I CAN'T REMEMBER!!" I scream at him.

He walks over to her, he saw her face.

She is fine, just a little blood, a little choked.

He looks at her damage, she is going to be fine.

He walks over to me, looking with intensity.

I'm still shaking, I can't feel him touching my skin.

I look at my hands, they are still bleeding.

I feel my head, it's fine, but my hands are not.

She smiles at me, "You loose" she mouths silently.

He continues to look, touch, check on me.

"Why?" He asks in a whispered tone,

I continue to quake,

"I can't remember what happened." I reply.

He sits on the floor beside me.

He pulls me to him, holding me,

Comforting me.

His touch is electric, I jerk away from him.

"NO! Choose! Now! This is what happened,

It was her. Rubbing your heart in my face.

'I have him, you loose you cow. You LOOSE!'

She pushed me, She finally broke me.

She ripped out my last shred of kindness!

She did it, YOU DID IT!" I shake violently again.

He cries, tears fall, He can't choose.

He looks at me, and he says loudly,

"I'm sorry, I thought I couldn't let you go, but now,

I have the strength to, I know where my heart wants to go,"

He turns to her, I cry, He's gone, Forever! I have lost.

She hugs him and thanks him and tries to kiss him,

He says, "Never in my life, have I ever wanted to slap a girl so bad.

Get out of my face. You are truly cold and heartless. BYE"

She smiles until she sees him walk over to me.

I cry, I try to push him away. I don't want to look at him,

I love him, I want him to leave me alone.

He grabs me, I scream in pain, "OUCH! Let me go,

You already made your point, you have chosen,"

He turns me to face him, I look to the floor to the right.

He raises his hand, I am scared, I flinch and cower,

He grabs my face and kisses me. HARD.

I try to fight it, but finally I give in.

I stood there, covered in blood, and he was kissing me.

Why would he do this to me?

He stops, "Goodbye you cow, I have my choice.

Right here in front of me. Covered in blood,

But still just as beautiful as the day I met her."

He smiles at me. Wiping away my tears,

He calls for an ambulance, all the while holding me.

Caressing me, protecting me. Loving me. Choosing me.

The paramedic arrived on the scene,

He pushed my protector away.

"He didn't do it, this is all me.

He just got here to call you for me."

The medic asked him, he replies,

"This is TRUE, Oh, sweetie, I love you."

A few fractured bones, bruised ribs,

and nasty gashes. This is the pain I'll see.

I do not remember a thing, I can't think of

how I ever got pushed that far.

The paramedic rush me to the ER

to fix my wounds and bones.

My heart was put together with one

simple call on the phone.

He made his choice and it was me.

Now the one with all the pain,

no longer I, but it is she.

He held me tightly in his arms,

loving me, holding me, caring for me.

He made his choice.

I lay there, on the hospital bed,

as he lay there next to me

kissing my sore head.

He loves me, he chose me,

Now I know that he is real.

The poor her can know first hand,

THE PAIN I HAD TO FEEL!