The Magic of the Ocean

I step in to the water and a shiver goes up my spine. This is my cool, calm, collective alone time. I walked farther out into the water until only my neck stood out in the water. I swim closer to the shorline so the current can't swish me away. This is my "me" time, it's just me and the waves. I get about waist deep and then I go under the water. I feel covered and washed. As the water covers me, I feel at peace once again. I come up out of the water and suddenly realize I am still wearing my top layer of clothes over my suit. I take off me shirt and the pants soon follow.

As I walk them to the car, I notice a young man a little ways down the beach from me with a surfboard like mine. I smile a little inside, but then I remember that this is my "me" time. This is my time to get me thoughts back together.

As I step back onto the sand with my sufboard in my hands, I run to the waterline. I stand there for a second, then with my eyes closed and a shout I run into the water and paddle on me board all the way out. I wait for a good wave, and then when one comes along, I will ride it all the way back. I catch the biggest wave, and I ride it all the way back to the shore. I repeat this process until I feel my energy is spent. Three hours of hard surfing, I was ready to sit and write.

When I got off my board, I noticed that young man had been watching my every ride, but I didn't care. Once all my energy was spent, I deposited my board inot my car and brought out a notebook and acoustic guitar. I walked close to the water and set out my notebook and guitar on my towel and went back to get my icechest and shade umbrella.

I got everything set up and began to strum on the guitar. I played a few simple chords and began to sing a song to Jesus. I started to feel a bit better. I was relaxing and feeling the stress go away with each strum. I opened my eyes and started praising God for the beach, and then I noticed that the young man was watching me, but I no longer cared about that.

After thirty minutes of playing, I got out me pen and began to write in the notebook. Ten minutes passed and I set the book down and picked up the guitar and started strumming again. Soon, the poem I had just written became a full fledged song, and twenty minutes later, two more followed.

The young man on the beach had moved closer, but not too close, but close enough that he could hear me. He sat on a towel with his board propped up nearby. He was sitting there the entire hour, just watching me write and play. I finally decided to see what he wanted.

The man had shaggy bonde hair, tanned skin, and a smile that would make any woman trip on air. He just sat there, watching me, smiling at me, he looked like he was anazying my every move. I wanted to know what he was up to so I got up to invite him to sit with me.

I got a bottle of fwater out of my icechest and walked it over to him, and invited him to come and sit in the shade with me. he smiled such a bright smile, and it grew with every step towards him that I made. When I got over to him, he jumped up real quick, he was tall, very tall.

"You have been watching me for quite some time now, four hours to be exact, come sit with me in the shade. My name is Jenna. Don't think I am crazy, this is just my time to get back to who I am. Surfing until I am tired and then strumming and writing to relase the mental stress." I said as he took the water bottle and giggled at me.

He said he would join me in just a second. I watched him put his board away and then move his var closer to mine. When he returned, he had a little book like mine.

"Thank you for the water. My name is Ryan, I was watching you because I have never seen a woman behave like you before. Getting in the ocean fully clothed, surf hard, and then write and play guitar with a passion and NEVER lost your cool," he said, and then I caught him looking at my book and guitar.

I smiled at him and then handed him my book. "I ain't amazing, but I have a way with words. I always have. You can look if you want." I just watched him as he read through some of my work. I saw something flash accross his face, understanding, amazement, astonishment. He turned to the saddest song and then asked me to sing it. I tried to get out of it, but his dimpled smile made me want to sing it for him.

"You tore my heart, ripped it in two, I'll never love like that again, now that we are through. My heart is unfixable, it's broken, because of you." A small tear rolled down my cheek as I opened my eyes to see Ryan's face full of emotion's that I have never seen on a man before. He asked me the story behind the song so I told him. he just looked at me for a minute and then he replied, "Just because he broke your heart, you shouldn't let others help fix it. You will find the right person that can put you back together. I understand parts of that song, but I don't shut the world out, I let people in to help me."

I smiled at him, then told him I wanted to see his notebook. "It's only fair, you got to see my work and hear me sing for over an hour, can I see yours?" He handed me his book and then asked to see me guitar. I handed it to him gladly. He started strumming a little bit and then he closed his eyes and began to sing: "...and somewhere, she's out there, the other half of me, the on who will make me happy. The one girl, to be my whole world, I'll search for her, I'll search for her. I'll show her what she's worth, she's out there, somewhere." I read along with the lyrics and I smiled. he handed me back my guitar and asked me what it's name was.

"Lauren, my guitar's name is Lauren. She has been me best friend for 8 years, and she will be that for many years to come!"

He smiled at that and then he replied. "Ashly, my best friends name is Ashly, she is a grey acoustic. I have had her for 12 years. I depend on her daily." Then he brought her out. He and I sat there under my umbrella with our guitars. Ashly was an ashy greyish-brown color and Lauren was red like my hair.

Ryan handed Ashly to me and asked me to sing my song again. "Play a little slower, but harder, and put more stress on the chorus and emphasize the tag. Listen to the difference." I did as he asked me, I felt the difference with the first verses. Ryan stopped me in the middle of my song by grabbing my hand. "Stop! The song is so good, but it is so sad. Ashly is tuned to be sad and blusey, but your song and voice doesn't need the help. Please, don't play it anymore."

I smiled and nodded and handed him back his guitar. A few seconds later, he started to play a familiar song, so I picked up Lauren and started to strum along. We sat there for four more hours playing and dinging with each other. It felt so cool to play with someone and still be me. After a while though, I felt so spent that I had to put my guitar away. Ryan smiled and kept strumming on his guitar as I walked Lauren and my pad and pen back to the car.

Three hours of surfing and five hours of writing and playing, I was ready to just lay there and enjoy the sound of the surf and to think. I got on my belly and relaxed. Ryan followed my lead and layed next to me and we talked for 4 hours straight. We got to know each other, learned little things about each other, and we were just who we were.

Ryan went to put Ashly and his book away and I decided to check my phone. "Good Grief! 37 new Texts! Don't people know how to leave me alone when I am on vacation?!" I said. Ryan chuckled and then asked if everything was okay. I nodded, "Twitter, Facebook, Pokes, and 'R U OK?'"

Ryan chuckled once more and then he asked me if I was comming back out anymore.

"For the next 6 days. Just me and the waves! I took a week off from my life. I need a little time to myself you know, time for me to just be me again." I said with a smile.

Ryan nodded with a dimpled grin. "I will be out here every morning, noon, and night. I need a break from my own life too. It gets pretty crazy too."

Six days passed the same exact way. Surf, writing, playing with Ryan, talking, surfing more, and then the leaving. On the last day, Ryan gave me his phone number. "Call me. I have really enjoyed this week. I never in my life met anyone like you. I really hope we can hang out some time away from the beach. Just call me when you have some time. Okay?" He said.

I smiled at him and then I hugged him. Two days passed before I had a minute to call him. Every Friday evening and every single Saturday was spent with him for several months before we went on an official date. Every weekend a new song was written and every date a song was shared. Dating went on for months, then the question was sprung.

"Jenna, will you take on the responsibility as my other half? Will you sing my duet with me? Will you be my wife, my forever lover, my forever surf partner, my jewl? Will you marry me?" He said as he was down on one knee.

I cried tears of joy as I reached down and said yes. Ryan kissed me for the first time that night. He kissed my cheek, he said he wanted everything to be perfect for me. Five months passed and Ryan kissed me on the lips. The next month, he would give me his last name.

My wedding day was magical. Our vows got turned into a song that we got to sing ourselves, we even got to play on our guitars. My whole family was there. I had the perfect Princessy-Prom-Fairytale wedding I had always dreamed of.

Three years after that glorious day, I gave birth to my first child. I gave Ryan a daughter for his birthday. Ashlynn Lori Marie. She had my hair, her daddy's face, my attitude and smile, her daddys dimples and she was perfect.

In 18 years, her journey will begin. Her story will be written, and she will sing her song and find the other half of her duet. She will have her fairytale just like her parents. But until then, she is our treasure. She will inherit our talents and become greater than us, but until that day, we are happy to sing to our baby girl. Our Ashlynn Lori Marie!

The Filmstrip and the Choice

I look up and the sky is black, I look down, so is the ground. Everywhere I turn, it is black and dark. I look farther and I realize that I am all alone. Right before my eyes, I see a filmstrip appear out of nothingness, and on it, I see my life. I reach up to touch it, and the strip changes. I am a little girl once again. The scene goes from a little dreamer in a field, to a grown woman making her own way in life. There are a ton of people surrounding her, but the only see fame. They only see her money, materials, they only see the spotlight. They don't see her.

My heart begins to break. A small child is crying off in a corner. I see myself walk over to her and the crowd tightly follows. They follow like a dogs eyes follows food. I turn to shoo them away and then turn back to the little girl. I look into her eyes and face, and I see myself. The little girl begins to say, "My dreams will never come true! They are too big for me." I broke down inside. I knew I had said that as a little girl, so it broke my heart into a million pieces. I took the little girl by the hand and told her to follow me.

I took her over to the table where I was sitting and I held up a book and asked the little girl if she knew what it was.

"That is your book, you wrote it at 23," she replied and I nodded.

I pointed to my Fiance' who was doing autographs, "Who is that man over there?"

The little girl responded, "That's your husband. You met him when you was 22, he was semi-famous."

I smiled, this little girl was very smart. I wistled and waved at my husband and another woman in the room. I began to sing part of a familiar song and the little girl started singing along with me. I asked her if she knew who wrote it and who sings it.

"You wrote it when you was 24 and your best friend sang it on her debut album at 19. You have written over 50% of the songs on her albums, in fact, you were about to start your own label when you finish the last book in this series, your brother and your best friend are the first two going on the label," the little girl replied.

I looked away for a minute and started to cry. My husband and my best friend took 30 seconds away from their fans to see if I was okay, when I assured them I was, I looked back at the little girl.

"I was 18 when I fell in love for the first time, and 21 when I fell again. I dreamed at 22 that I would marry Mr. Perfect-For-Me, I dreamed even harder every day after I discovered my talent with words, that I would impact the nations with my words. I wrote these books with the hope they would sell better than the worlds best sellers, or at least sell as good as them.

I dreamed at 22 that I would marry that man over there, or at least one exactly like him, and I am wearing his grandmother's rings right now. I dreamed that my best friend would become a national singing star, but she is international. Her last four albums were completely composed of music that her boyfriend, her, my husband, and I wrote. Her latest single, I wrote at 15.

The best friend in book three that I mention, has three children, three! She wasn't supposed to have any. My husband is a world artist, my bestfriend is international, I am a best selling author, and I work in the music industry. Dreams do come true if you make them!"

I reach out to touch the little girl's arm, and the filmstrip changes. This time I am surrounded by nurses and children. There is familiar music playing in the background, and I look at myself, I am in a white coat and I have a stethescope around my neck.

I walk into the room, and there is another little girl crying in a chair. I look at her chart and realize why she is crying. Her mom looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"Help her, help us Dr. J, you understand with she is going through more than I do. I don't know how to comfort her, but you do.

I look down at the little girls medical charts and see that it is as full as mine used to be. I broke down in tears when I saw what kind of infection she had.

"I am cancelling every med that she is on. I am going to give her an I.V. med. I am going to get this thing before she goes through what I did. I am going to fix it, I promise, they don't call me the best for nothing. I have earned that title," I said boldly.

The little girl smiled and thanked me, but as I reached out to take her hand, the filmstrip changed again.

This time there was a little girl sitting on her bed writing in a little book. She is smiling as she is writing her thoughts. Suddenly, she looks up through the filmstrip and turns her book around so I can see what she has written: KEEP DREAMING, DREAM BIG, DREAM LOUD, DON'T LET ANYONE STOP YOU! I soon realize the little girl is me.

The strip disappears and a road appears out of nowhere. I follow it, and as I do I see scenes of my life flashing everywhere. I speed up my pace and *Wham* I crash into a road sign. There is a massive fork in the road. I look up at the sign, there are 3 ways I can go. As I reach my hand up to rub my eyes, I sit up in my bed. I realize I am still alone with my choice. I must make it.

Path 1, Pathe 2, Path 3.....which one will I choose?

Getting to Know Me!

you've been tagged or you are reading this, you have the honor of copying all these goofy questions, writing your own response, and tagging 25 other victims. You have to tag me so really you just need 24 more people. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you - but not in a creepy stalker kind of way.

1. What time did you get up this morning? around 10 i am tired..
2. How do you like your steak? Medium well
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Ugly Truth , it was so funny and so true!
4. What is your favorite TV show? CSI, Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, 1000 ways to die,
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Ireland!
6. What did you have for breakfast? pimento cheese sandwhich
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Shrimp
8. What foods do you dislike? Liver, gizzards, crab
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Ci Ci's, Jimmy's, Joes Crab Shack
10. Favorite dressing? French or Catalina
11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? Winstar...a van
12. What are your favorite clothes? NONE! lol....My jammies
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Wahington D.C.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? My cup runnith over!
15. Where would you want to retire? Anywhere close to home, but far away for peace.
16. Favorite time of day? Night time, party time....LOL
17. Where were you born? Dallas Texas
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Extreme sports...the X games
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? idk, prolly no one
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? idk...
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? everyone!
22. Bird watcher? of course...
23. Are you a mornig person or a night person? night!
24. Do you have any pets? Miss Piggy and some kittens
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? NOPE!
26. What did you want to be when you were little? a ballerina, and an actress!27. Are you a cat or dog person? both
28. Are you married? no only 21 lol
29. Always wear your seat belt? always
30. Been in a car accident? not really
31. Any pet peeves? leaving the cabinets open, wasting tea, wasting food, whining
32. Favorite Pizza Toppings? spinach
33. Favorite Flower? ALL OB DEM!
34. Favorite ice cream? Cookie Dough
35. Favorite fast food restaurant? wendy's
36. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None
37. From whom did you get your last email? MYSPACE
38. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Wal-Mart, best store ever!
39. Do anything spontaneous lately? Ran around in the rain today!
40. Like your job? aint got an official one yet, but watching michael isnt all that bad either...
41. Broccoli? absolutely
42. What was your favorite vacation? All the ones we used to go on as a family!
43. Last person you went out to dinner with? My Grandmother, Arby's
44. What are you listening to right now? Daft Punk
45. What is your favorite color? GREEN GREEN GREEN!
46. How many tattoos do you have? None
47. How many are you tagging for this quiz? as many as I can
48. What time did you finish this quiz? 11:22pm
50. Coffee Drinker? of course!
51. When did you notice there was no 49? when i put this question on here....lol

Glory to Glory

Your breath is sweeter the the roses.
Your voice is the most beautiful.
Your scent is heavily lingering, Hovering over this place.
Lord, I have never been here before.
I don't want to leave your presence.
This is such an awesome place.
This love, Liquid love pouring over me.
It's like a warm blanket keeping me safe.
I don't want to move from here.
I just wnat to bask in your Holy Glow.
My spirit is soaring High above the earth,
I don't want to go back there right now.
I could stay here forever, in your arms.
This is such a special place.
Lord how did I get here?
What did I do to be so special?
I love you Lord, Hold me tight, Never let me go.


Jenna Marie FainCopyright (c)2007 Jenna Marie Fain

The Darkness Takes Over

I sit alone in the darkend silence. My pain is raw, the wounds in my spirit are fresh. I feel the hot tears streaming down my face, I have not made a sound.

My breathing is slow but short. The Darkness is slowly taking over. The sound of my pounding heartbeat is the only thing I hear. Here comes more of the pain I was fighting.

My mind begins to go over the last event. The imagination has a way with my emotional standing. The depth of the darkness is peircing. Like a butcher to a chunk of beef, so my concience does with me feelings.

Regret, disgust, and fear fill my heart. Thoughts of suicide have entered the arena. Dare I to entertain the thought? A quick nap will help make the decision.

"This is the blackest black I have ever seen. What is the blistering on my flesh?Where is this heat coming from? This is way tintense.

Have I gone blind, I can not see what this is burning me. I am thirsty, where can I get some water? -I bite my tounge to try and produce some saliva. This is not working, the pain is excruciating.

I feel faint, shall I pass out, shall I fall away? Where am I? I seem to be the only one here, Who is there? What is that sound?

What is all this in my head? What is this constant screaming? I wish I was dead...Where is my sweet escape? When will this end?"

The thoughts of suicide dance in my head. How can I escape theese voices? "Get out of my head, leave now." I do not know how to escape.

Silence fills the room again. I see a faint light, coming towards me. This sweet sound fills the air. Silence falls again.

How will I ever know what that was, Why was it here for a second, and then gone. Like a vapor, it was here, then it was gone...I shall leave this peircing, silent darkness.

Lonliness

I hear a beckoning, something calls my name. I dont know what it is, yet. It is cold, and sad. Its lonliness. It takes a hold of my heart and squeezes it. This bitter lonliness has talons like an eagle and a voice like the thunder. Yelling, mocking me. It rips and tears, it makes fun of my pain. I am in love but it is not returned, the loliness still wins.

I pour my heart out on his lap, I thought he would recieve it. I was wrong, he just looks at it and says nothing. His gaze is empty, the lonliness calls me. Empty words just push my love aside, pushes my heart off onto the floor. Lonliness calls again. His thundering voice booms loud in my soul. I am left alone with out returned love.

Pain, searing pain. There is no relief for me. What once was everything, was now nothing. A broken heart left for the vultures to clean up. Lies, deception, broken promises, empty words. Is there anyone to clean up this mess that is me? Must I pick up the pieces of me myself? The darkness of unreturned love falls heavy and fast. There is no escape

My life will be a lonly one until someone helps me piece it back together. I will stay in the dark with lonliness, alone, hurt and broken.

The Pain I feel

The darkness comes, over powering me.

I cannot see my way out.

The light is gone and the darkness is cold.

The anger is coming now.

Like a blazing fire, it gets hot, and i cant see straight.

I see the red oozing like a festering sore.

It's getting worse, i feel fire in my veins.

I feel the rage building up.

I am ready to strike, like a snake I await the time to strike.

My enemies run in fear, I am evil waiting to happen.

I haven't been mad like this before. I only see red.

This is not a good place, for anyone.

I hear a noise, sharp, fierce, and terrifying.

I hear a scream, a yelp, someone is crying.

I don't care, I have exploded. My wrath has been brought.

I warned many not to push me. One day it would come.

Soon, I feel a rush of warmth, I look, there is blood.

The warm, red fluid runs down my hand.

What happened? How did this get here,

Where is the blood coming from?

I look, a pile of flesh cowering in the floor,

fear in their eyes. I did this?

What happened? Why, where did this come from?

I don't know how this came to be.

This isn't me. I can't, I didn't, did I?

It's not possible for me to act this way,

I am not a violent person.

I feel tears rushing my face now.

The person in the floor is terrified of me.

He walks in. I am bleeding, they are bleeding,

He looks at me. No, wait! Don't leave me.

"I'M SORRY!" I scream! I'm sorry.

He just stands there looking at me.

I crumple into the floor, my hands are shaking violently now.

He is still standing there, looking at us.

I look at the flesh pile, she is smiling at me,

I am shaking, I can't remember.

"I CAN'T REMEMBER!!" I scream at him.

He walks over to her, he saw her face.

She is fine, just a little blood, a little choked.

He looks at her damage, she is going to be fine.

He walks over to me, looking with intensity.

I'm still shaking, I can't feel him touching my skin.

I look at my hands, they are still bleeding.

I feel my head, it's fine, but my hands are not.

She smiles at me, "You loose" she mouths silently.

He continues to look, touch, check on me.

"Why?" He asks in a whispered tone,

I continue to quake,

"I can't remember what happened." I reply.

He sits on the floor beside me.

He pulls me to him, holding me,

Comforting me.

His touch is electric, I jerk away from him.

"NO! Choose! Now! This is what happened,

It was her. Rubbing your heart in my face.

'I have him, you loose you cow. You LOOSE!'

She pushed me, She finally broke me.

She ripped out my last shred of kindness!

She did it, YOU DID IT!" I shake violently again.

He cries, tears fall, He can't choose.

He looks at me, and he says loudly,

"I'm sorry, I thought I couldn't let you go, but now,

I have the strength to, I know where my heart wants to go,"

He turns to her, I cry, He's gone, Forever! I have lost.

She hugs him and thanks him and tries to kiss him,

He says, "Never in my life, have I ever wanted to slap a girl so bad.

Get out of my face. You are truly cold and heartless. BYE"

She smiles until she sees him walk over to me.

I cry, I try to push him away. I don't want to look at him,

I love him, I want him to leave me alone.

He grabs me, I scream in pain, "OUCH! Let me go,

You already made your point, you have chosen,"

He turns me to face him, I look to the floor to the right.

He raises his hand, I am scared, I flinch and cower,

He grabs my face and kisses me. HARD.

I try to fight it, but finally I give in.

I stood there, covered in blood, and he was kissing me.

Why would he do this to me?

He stops, "Goodbye you cow, I have my choice.

Right here in front of me. Covered in blood,

But still just as beautiful as the day I met her."

He smiles at me. Wiping away my tears,

He calls for an ambulance, all the while holding me.

Caressing me, protecting me. Loving me. Choosing me.

The paramedic arrived on the scene,

He pushed my protector away.

"He didn't do it, this is all me.

He just got here to call you for me."

The medic asked him, he replies,

"This is TRUE, Oh, sweetie, I love you."

A few fractured bones, bruised ribs,

and nasty gashes. This is the pain I'll see.

I do not remember a thing, I can't think of

how I ever got pushed that far.

The paramedic rush me to the ER

to fix my wounds and bones.

My heart was put together with one

simple call on the phone.

He made his choice and it was me.

Now the one with all the pain,

no longer I, but it is she.

He held me tightly in his arms,

loving me, holding me, caring for me.

He made his choice.

I lay there, on the hospital bed,

as he lay there next to me

kissing my sore head.

He loves me, he chose me,

Now I know that he is real.

The poor her can know first hand,

THE PAIN I HAD TO FEEL!