One Year In....and going strong!

So I have been traveling with New Life Drama Company for over a year, about 14 months now. It has been quite an adventure! During my time here, I have learned a lot of things. I have learned what it means to lead, to follow, to teach, to preach, and to trust God with everything!

I joined on April 5, 2012 and I arrived here at about noon that day. The two girls that picked me up from the bus station were very kind to me and it made me very happy! I started working shortly after I got here, as a matter of fact, it was right after lunch that they taught me how to make phone calls, use the database and how to serve. :D


Thinking back to my first tour on the road, I remember how home sick I was. I had already been here for a couple of months, and wasn't quite sure how I would adapt to life on the road, but then I met my team. :D There were 6 others on my team...two other girls and 4 guys. I was so stinking nervous...until I got to our first church! I got to be with the team, minister to inner-city kids, and I got to have a blast and travel the country!

I have had many more opportunities like that since then. I have had a wide variety of jobs since I've been here as well. I have had the privilege of being a Booker--I planned out the routes the team would take on the road, wrote out directions, and set up time limits. Also, as a Booker, I would make phone calls to pastors to set up bookings which are planned stays and services.
Fundraiser--I was in charge of selling T-shirts and finding creative ways to raise money for the team.I had to learn how to organize a merchandise table and to get rid of the inventory.
Financier--It is my responsibility to manage all the money that comes through the team. I make sure that our budget is reasonable and that we keep to it. I make sure we have enough to feed ourselves, to put fuel in the vans, and to take care of our other needs. 

And Finally......
Coordinator--I am responsible for an entire team. I preach at services, I lead the team, I am, for lack of better words, the Pastor of the team. I am responsible for making sure my team is taken care of. Not only all of these, but I am like the Mother of the team. 

When I get in the van and drive out of Cleveland Tn, I will be returning to the place where my travel days began. Tulsa OK! I'm super excited to share that experience with a new crew of New Lifers. 

I'm getting prepared to go out on another adventure, with another group of awesome young folk!! I'm super excited and ready to go share the gospel!!

Music and Love and Such

So, I went to Winter Jam 2011 last friday, so the 18th of February. I had a blast, and so did my little brother and his friend. We stayed all the way until Newsboys sang "Jesus Freak." Zach and I got to meet Chris August, which made my day even better.



So the music was awesome, if I can remember correctly, these are all the artists that were there, and in no particular order:



Jason Castro, Chris August, New Song, Sidewalk Prophets, KJ-52, Kutless, RED, Newsboys, David Crowder Band, Francesca Battistelli



This concert was about the best one I had ever attended, I'm not saying it was better, and I'm not saying it wasn't better. I had gone to see Celtic Thunder last year, and it was an experience you had to go through to fully understand. God has blessed me with the abilities to go and see these artists, and because of that, I must believe that He loves me. This pushes me into my next observation, the Love that God has shown me is making me grow as a young lady and as a Christian.

God must really be preparing me for something ahead in my future. It seems that everytime I turn around there is another opportunity for me to grow. There is something there to reward me, something there to teach me, and there is always something there that is going to put me through the refiners fire again. I have just been rewarded with Winter Jam. Now I am entering the learning portion of my blessings. I got to help lead worship Sunday night, the 20th. Not to toot my own horn, but if I am going to be singing and leading God's people into an intamate place with him, I am going to have to learn to go there too. I am gonig to have to be more contientious of the things I do and say. I also am going to have to get some confidence in myself.

I don't think I have a great voice, I don't even think it's good, but I have been told by many, (excluding my family and friends that don't want to hurt my feelings) that I have a very unique voice, and that I am talented. Okay, I know I am talented, I can write, act, and dance...even though I am fat. Lol. But having the skill and talent to sing, that is just one gift I don't think I posses, but apparently I do. So to teach me, God is pulling me out of my comfort zone and putting me in front of a microphone, (where I am the most TERRIFIED!) Not only is this a learning season, this is a fire season. I know I am going to be bombarded with things that are not of God, I am going to have to put up my shield and press through. I am going to have to climb the mountain, go through the valley, and come out knowing that I achieved a goal that God wanted me to achieve.

The such part of it all though, would have to be that God is loving me, and blessing me and my music, I am going to have to see what the Love and Music is doing at the end of this journey. Music may be one of my biggest passions in life. God blessed me with the ability to read music, so therefore I can learn to play guitar and piano. I have both, a keyboard and a lovely little guitar. NOW, if only I had the time and patience to learn to play them. Well actually, I need a power cord so I can play the piano, and I think I am going to buy an electric guitar off of my best friends little sister. It's brand new, only been tinkered on twice! Great deal ya know! Lol

Okay enough of my rambling, gotta go before these girls kill me for pecking on the keyboard. I'm using the computer lab computers, so the typing is very loud and nervewracking ! LOL!! XD


Love and Peace,

Hobbitt

Being Analytical

So, I have a friend that is awesome! He knows a TON about music, much more than I do. I think that is about the coolest thing about him, he can tell you all about different songs, I can't do that. BUT I am a poet, I can paint you a picture with my words, which is odd. It takes me a LONG time to decipher a song, and yet I can tell you what a poem means after reading it twice. Even odder, most of the time, I can sing along the second or third time that I have heard a song, but ask me to recite a poem and my mind goes blank.

No worries though. I have it all figured out. I can be the writer, with my imagery in my head. I will think of ways to hide the meaning. Instead of pronouncing my feelings or the idea so that it is clear, I will find a way to hide the messages! HHAA! I'll maketh him guess!!

I just think it would be fun to hide the meaning for once. Mom said I needed counseling last night after she read one of my old poems. She thought I was depressed when I wrote it, I was just as happy as could be when I did. I can just paint an image with my words, not to toot my own horn, but I just realized how good I am.

I have not ever thought I was any good until recently. I showed a poem to several of my 'online friends' and one of them said "Tragic.....and it somehow draws you into the pain...nicely done."

That may not seem like much to many of you all, but that just struck me. I apparently have more talent than I let myself think. Now I just need to be able to hide myself in a piece. Hmmmm.....ideas?? Leave some comments!!

My Personal Haunting

I can still feel your arms around me,

but I know you are not there.

I can still smell your scent,

but I still know you are not there.

I can still hear your voice saying my name,

i know you are not there.

Oh, how your memory haunts me.

I can still taste your kiss on my lips,

but I know you are not there.

I can even still see you there in the bed,

but I know you are not there.

You are still lingering about, everywhere,

But i know you are Not there!

Your memory haunts me, heart and soul.

I miss it, all of it, but please, let me go.

I am in agony, torn between present and past

Who I am, is drifting away fast.

I try to let you go, but I can't.

You are here, haunting me.

I feel like I am holding on to a dream,

a fantasy, my perfect fairy tale.

I can't have it though, your grip is too strong.

Please, I want freedom again, please let me go.

I am begging you, your memory is like a

chain and ball. I try to escape, but again I fall.

I remember the fire in your touch,

the electricity in your sweet embrace.

I remember the comforting fragrance of your skin,

the smell of your shirt, as I rest on your chest again.

I remember that voice, soft and smooth as you sang for me,

as you whispered how you missed me.

I remember the taste of your kiss, lingering on my lips.

That precious, spontaneous first kiss.

I remember you on the couch, sitting there as

you held me, and I held you close.

I am torn, even more. I can't let go and I want to move on.

Your memory captivates me, I can't get away from you.

I don't know what I should do.

Your memory is haunting me,

I need some light to lift the darkness.

This place terrifies me,

I am alone with my memories. I miss you,

and I love you, but if you have one shred

of love left for me, please let me go.

Let me move on, I do not want to forget,

I just want to move on.

Please let me go.

Please...

Oh, How I Hate Valentines Day

Here it is, that time of year again. Today is already a not so hot day because a friend of mine killed himself five years ago, and my hormones are out of whack and my emotions are all over the place.

My little sister got married today. I am happy for that, I am glad that she is married and happy. I wish for nothing but the best for her. Don't get me wrong and think that I am jealous, because I am not. Both of my sisters are happily with someone they love. My youngest however is not married yet, not until May. And that is good. I want them to be married. It seems that every year I come to the same conclusion. I hate Valentines Day. I can't stand all the mushy gushy lovey dovey junk. It's a waste of my life. If someone wants to love, they can tell me to my face.

A few days ago, I had the third best day of my life. Someone told me that they loved me. That made me great, until I realized that it's not the love I wanted. I appreciate that he cares, and it feels good to know that he loves me, but I want him to really love me. I have probably been crying for about 30 minutes now.

I think I may have messed up royally. My friend, who is a girl likes to text, so she tattled to my friend who is a guy that I was upset. I don't like to lie, and I won't lie to him. I am honest, I told him why I was upset. Normal girl insecurities. I am so crazy about this guy, my guy friend. He is one of the best things to ever happen to me. I wish there were more guys like him in the world. The kind that you can trust, like I trust him. But honestly, I am tired of the way I feel at times.

Valentine's Day only makes it worse. All I see are couples, and hearts, and love stuff, and candles, and candies, and stupid cards!! I feel like I want to shout from the rooftops that I have the best guy in my life, even if he is my friend only, he is still the best. I hate Valentine's Day because I can't share my heart with the world.

They should make a holiday for the anti-valentines day...I would love that holiday! I can't stand it, I want so bad to love it, but I can't. I am sick of that holiday. It's stupid. I hate it, it always ruins my birthday. EVERY YEAR! My birthday is February 11th, and I haven't had one birthday that was truly happy in quite some time. I want to be happy, but I am not allowed that joy.

I think I just lost the greatest thing to happen to me besides salvation. Maybe one day my prince will come, because I am not settling for less than the best. I still hate Valentine's Day, and I hope all of my friends who love it will leave me out of it. I want nothing to do with that dreadful holiday!!!

The Perfect Fire

I sit down in our chair, as you make a fire.

I watch your every move.

Slow, careful, precise-you make no mistakes as to where you want each log.

This is why I love you.

You know what you want, and you make no mistakes in trying.

As you stack the logs and light the match, I wonder how you chose me.

I know what made me choose you, I know exactly what it was.

Out of nowhere, I realized what was in front of me.

Your laughter, your voice, you loving tone,

The hugs, the kisses, the nights on the phone.

The smiles, the dimples, the holding of hands,

The music, the fun, the future plans.

The dates, the times, the moments shared with you,

The ball games, the beach days, the rainy days too.

I should have seen it sooner, but I am glad it took so long.

You are the harmony to my heart’s song.

You look back at me, and I see that smile of yours,

Grinning, planning, something precious, I’m sure.

The fire is lit, you walk over to me and sit.

You take my hand, hold it tenderly, and whisper “I love you.”

I loose my breath and start to cry,

that’s when your true colors show.

You wrap me up in your arms, hold me, love me, say again!

You kiss my face, forehead, cheeks, chin, lips.

You say it again, “I LOVE YOU” and I whimper,

Softly, my voice is cracking, my hands start to quiver.

I look into your eyes, I see it, it’s there, you really do, Love me.

This is the first time I have heard those words come out of your mouth.

I look up at you once more, I try to speak,

then you say, “I Love you More.”

I think in my head, “How did you know?”

You sigh, “Your face gave you away.”

In this sweet moment, I now realize,

he knows, and it’s returned. I am free.

I can fall, and I know you will fall with me,

to catch me, to be with me.

You look in my eyes, and say it again,

“I Love You.”

I love that word, “Love,” the way rolls off your lips.

Then, to my surprise, you say to me,

“The day is not over, I have something to say,”

I’m searching for something, I don’t know what, but I look.

You stand up, press “Play” on the remote, take my hand, and we dance.

The most beautiful songs about love, hearts, being together forever,

You stop swaying with me, you drop down on one knee,

You look up as you pull a box out of your pocket,

You hide it so I can’t see, and then you ask,

“Wilt thou Marry Me?”

As a solemn tear falls, I nod, vigorously,

“Yes” I manage to get past my quivering lips.

You open the box, and inside,

sit’s the most precious stone I had ever seen.

Small, dainty, beautiful, and made just for me.

You slipped the ring on my hand,

and told me every thing that you had planned for our future.

My heart was becoming overwhelmed with joy.

You said you wanted children, many children, and a home in the country,

You said you wanted to take care of me.

Everything I had dreamed for, you wanted.

I had never told you my dreams, at least, not these.

“I LOVE YOU” You shout one more time.

I say it back, slowly, softly, tenderly.

Like the fire you had built up, the night was shaping beautifully.

All of this, from just three words, simple ones at that.

“I Love You,” so powerful, so honest,

This night turned out amazing,

For this, I am Glad.

Creative Minds

Well, I went to bed last night, or technically at 4:37 am this morning with my book weighing heavily on my mind. I have come the realization, my book is so close to being completed, I am getting nervous about getting it published. I will be my own publisher, I don't feel like anyone extra making a profit off of my hard work. The printer I chose is amazing, they don't hit you with hidden fees and they definitely don't get "a cut" of your hard work. They make their money by offering a professional designer session, or by the way you design your cover.

I think it is really cool that they offer it up for the writers to be in complete control of the publishing process. The company helps you get your ISBN and you LCN and then imagine everything else, they let you set YOUR OWN PRICE!! You decided how much you want your book to be. And even better, I made a simple design choice the other day, just playing with prices, and I can print 100 paper back copies of my book for around $3.25 per book! That's not bad at all! That's amazing considering what I chose for the cover...but that is just a simple black and white cover.

I really hope that I can get the show on the road soon and get my first one finished and printed this year. It may take me a while to get it done, considering I am going to need to do some fund raising to get the ISBN and LCN purchased. They are not that expensive, but the decision is, do I want to buy in bulk? How many books am I going to be able to write? If I by in bulk, I can get 10 ISBN's for a relatively low price. That's a good thing ya know.

Maybe I will write a book that contains several of my poems and short stories....who knows what this year has in store for me!!

Paul Leaving Celtic Thunder--I support That.

Today is a sad day, I just found out that one of my favorite members of Celtic Thunder is leaving the group after the tour. I'm so torn between being heart broken and exceedingly glad. I absolutely love all the lads of the group and I will be so sad to see them leave. I knew one day they would part their ways, and I knew that each of them would take time to develop their solo career.

I just never expected Paul to be the first to leave. I figured it would be Neil or George to leave first. I don't rightly know when to expect Keith to leave since his solo album still needs put together. :) I am going to miss Paul's beautiful voice, and I am happy that I got to see him LIVE at least once before I heard the news.

I will support each and every one of the lads as they pursue their solo careers. I am like the fan that won't quit. I may not be a super fan, I may not be the fan at every single show, the one that always sends them stuff, the one that is always blogging, the one that is totally consumed....I am the fan that fell in love with each and every one of them during "It's Entertainment" and because I saw the potential in them, I am the one that will keep them in my prayers, keep playing the music, keep watching the videos, keep telling my friends about them, keep introducing my friends to each one's unique style, keep on posting little blips about them every so often.....

I want to always support each of the lads, and I will always love the way they sounded as an ensemble. But as each lad breaks off and spreads their wings to fly, I will be the one in the back, supporting them. Praying for them, hoping the best for them, singing their songs, playing them out loud for the world to hear, I will risk being the dork that plays music from 2010 way off in the future.

I can assure you today, Celtic Thunder and all of the lads will be something that I hold onto for the rest of my life. I will always love the guys, and I will always remember the moments I had listening to them, the moment I fell in love, the moment I shared them with my best friend, the moment I followed them on the social networks, the moment I learned all of their names, the moments on youtube, the moments I realized I knew the words to sing along, the moments I spent joking in an Irish accent, all the moments I shared with my loved ones talking about something said on twitter, all the nights dedicated to each of the lads, I will remember and cherish every single moment that contained a lad from CT.

Celtic Thunder, Paul, Keith, George, Damian, Ryan, and Neil will never die with me. I will share them with my family and with anyone who wants to be in my life. Paul will be remembered forever as a member of CT and as a Solo Artist.

Now with all that out of the way,, I am not obsessed like some people believe, I just have a thing for Irish folks. Because I am of Irish heritage, I instantly have a connection with the people. I may seem obsessive, but I feel the same way about certain members of Celtic Woman. I don't want to see Chloe leave, but if she or Margret ever choose to, I will feel the same way.

God bless you all and thank you for hearing my opinion.

What are we Doing?

I woke up this morning feeling just as sick as I did yesterday, which isn't cool at all considering I get massively sick over nothing, and I realized: This is a perfect time to talk to God.

You know, if we would all tell God when we are upset, talk to him when we are sick, cry out to him when we hurt, our lives would be a little easier. There would be more peace in our hearts and minds. I'm not this gigantic Christian who wants to force my beliefs down any persons throat, but I would like to share. You know God isn't always the way people make him out to be.

He is a great, magnificent, wonderful, jealous, powerful, loving, just God. The very same God who allowed His only son to get on a cross and die for our sins, is the same God who banned Satan from Heaven. The same God who protected Noah and his family during the time He flooded the Earth, is the same God who loves you enough to let you decide on whether to serve Him or the Devil.

God isn't going to make you do anything you don't want to do. He doesn't force Himself upon you, He won't take you farther than you wanted to go, He is gentle and Kind. He is the example of a gentleman. The God I serve loves me so much, He wants me to be in His will, He wants me to serve Him, but He isn't going to let me play with fire without teaching me a lesson. As the saying goes: "If you keep playing with a fire, you are going to get burned." My favorite way of putting that thought tho, is much easier to explain, "You can't play patty-cake without your hands turning red."

If you keep doing things that you know God doesn't like, you are going to be punished or get hurt. If one drinks alcohol constantly, it doesn't take long for them to get drunk and do something stupid. If you keep smoking things like Weed and crack, you are going to get burned and could possibly get thrown in prison.

Who are we to keep tempting the Holy God of All? He calls drunkeness a sin. Why do we do it? If we know we shouldn't participate in it, why do we do it? If God says to not commit adultery and murder, then why do we continue to do it? Why are we trampling on what God says?

Young Women: God has the PERFECT man for you. If you haven't already messed up, then hold on to your only gift. So what if everyone else is having sex. You don't have to, hold on to that until you have found the right one. God knows what kind of man to put you with. He is the one that made him for you.

Young Men: God has the PERFECT woman for you. Hold on to it, don't let it go. God knows who you are supposed to be with. Just wait!

Another thing, and this has always bothered me about our society: Why is it that a woman is looked down on for being loosey goosey, but a man is a stud if he is that way? You are both in the wrong. Neither gender should be out there sleeping around. Fornication and Adultery are both horrible sins and God strictly forbids it. Your body is supposed to be a temple. We need to take care of it, and not be out there sharing it with the world. The temple if for God, why do we not see that?

Now, I am not saying I am perfect, because I am far from it. I have made my mistakes, thats why I brought this to the light. God is eager to forgive you of your sins, He see's you like the Prodigal's father saw him. When the Prodigal son came home, his father was desperate to bring his son in and have a party for him. God is like that with us. When we sin and we repent sincerely, God rejoices because He loves us, and He is happy that we came home.

I know where I fall short, and I know where God usually helps me. I know He will carry me when I can't take anymore, and I know He makes me a better woman every single day.

You Are...

When I wake in the mornings, it is you I want to see.

I love you with every ounce of my soul.

You are my best friend, my forever lover, my reason for life.

You are my muse, my movie, my playmate, you are my all.

I say this to you because I want to spend my life in your arms.

You are my Romeo, my Oberon, and my Music of the Night.

You are my Angel, my shining star, and my Endless Sunlight.

Oh, how I love you, how I want you here with me.

You could be the King, and I shall be your Queen,

We could live in a far off castle, come, fly away with me.

Oh, my love, please hear me through,

I am nothing but lost without you.

I love you so much that it hurts sometimes.

You are my library, my favorite book.

Love is our recipe, we are the cooks.

Never leave me, always love me, this is all I ask,

I don't know how I will live if our love does not last.

I love you with all my heart, and from you, I shall never part.

Stay here with me, Completely here with me, Love me, Choose me.

Let life be the canvas, and love be the paint, we will be the masters,

the artists until we grow faint.

Come away with me my love, oh please come away.

If you can't see what I have said thus far,

Then come with me, I will show you who you are.

The Magic of the Ocean

I step in to the water and a shiver goes up my spine. This is my cool, calm, collective alone time. I walked farther out into the water until only my neck stood out in the water. I swim closer to the shorline so the current can't swish me away. This is my "me" time, it's just me and the waves. I get about waist deep and then I go under the water. I feel covered and washed. As the water covers me, I feel at peace once again. I come up out of the water and suddenly realize I am still wearing my top layer of clothes over my suit. I take off me shirt and the pants soon follow.

As I walk them to the car, I notice a young man a little ways down the beach from me with a surfboard like mine. I smile a little inside, but then I remember that this is my "me" time. This is my time to get me thoughts back together.

As I step back onto the sand with my sufboard in my hands, I run to the waterline. I stand there for a second, then with my eyes closed and a shout I run into the water and paddle on me board all the way out. I wait for a good wave, and then when one comes along, I will ride it all the way back. I catch the biggest wave, and I ride it all the way back to the shore. I repeat this process until I feel my energy is spent. Three hours of hard surfing, I was ready to sit and write.

When I got off my board, I noticed that young man had been watching my every ride, but I didn't care. Once all my energy was spent, I deposited my board inot my car and brought out a notebook and acoustic guitar. I walked close to the water and set out my notebook and guitar on my towel and went back to get my icechest and shade umbrella.

I got everything set up and began to strum on the guitar. I played a few simple chords and began to sing a song to Jesus. I started to feel a bit better. I was relaxing and feeling the stress go away with each strum. I opened my eyes and started praising God for the beach, and then I noticed that the young man was watching me, but I no longer cared about that.

After thirty minutes of playing, I got out me pen and began to write in the notebook. Ten minutes passed and I set the book down and picked up the guitar and started strumming again. Soon, the poem I had just written became a full fledged song, and twenty minutes later, two more followed.

The young man on the beach had moved closer, but not too close, but close enough that he could hear me. He sat on a towel with his board propped up nearby. He was sitting there the entire hour, just watching me write and play. I finally decided to see what he wanted.

The man had shaggy bonde hair, tanned skin, and a smile that would make any woman trip on air. He just sat there, watching me, smiling at me, he looked like he was anazying my every move. I wanted to know what he was up to so I got up to invite him to sit with me.

I got a bottle of fwater out of my icechest and walked it over to him, and invited him to come and sit in the shade with me. he smiled such a bright smile, and it grew with every step towards him that I made. When I got over to him, he jumped up real quick, he was tall, very tall.

"You have been watching me for quite some time now, four hours to be exact, come sit with me in the shade. My name is Jenna. Don't think I am crazy, this is just my time to get back to who I am. Surfing until I am tired and then strumming and writing to relase the mental stress." I said as he took the water bottle and giggled at me.

He said he would join me in just a second. I watched him put his board away and then move his var closer to mine. When he returned, he had a little book like mine.

"Thank you for the water. My name is Ryan, I was watching you because I have never seen a woman behave like you before. Getting in the ocean fully clothed, surf hard, and then write and play guitar with a passion and NEVER lost your cool," he said, and then I caught him looking at my book and guitar.

I smiled at him and then handed him my book. "I ain't amazing, but I have a way with words. I always have. You can look if you want." I just watched him as he read through some of my work. I saw something flash accross his face, understanding, amazement, astonishment. He turned to the saddest song and then asked me to sing it. I tried to get out of it, but his dimpled smile made me want to sing it for him.

"You tore my heart, ripped it in two, I'll never love like that again, now that we are through. My heart is unfixable, it's broken, because of you." A small tear rolled down my cheek as I opened my eyes to see Ryan's face full of emotion's that I have never seen on a man before. He asked me the story behind the song so I told him. he just looked at me for a minute and then he replied, "Just because he broke your heart, you shouldn't let others help fix it. You will find the right person that can put you back together. I understand parts of that song, but I don't shut the world out, I let people in to help me."

I smiled at him, then told him I wanted to see his notebook. "It's only fair, you got to see my work and hear me sing for over an hour, can I see yours?" He handed me his book and then asked to see me guitar. I handed it to him gladly. He started strumming a little bit and then he closed his eyes and began to sing: "...and somewhere, she's out there, the other half of me, the on who will make me happy. The one girl, to be my whole world, I'll search for her, I'll search for her. I'll show her what she's worth, she's out there, somewhere." I read along with the lyrics and I smiled. he handed me back my guitar and asked me what it's name was.

"Lauren, my guitar's name is Lauren. She has been me best friend for 8 years, and she will be that for many years to come!"

He smiled at that and then he replied. "Ashly, my best friends name is Ashly, she is a grey acoustic. I have had her for 12 years. I depend on her daily." Then he brought her out. He and I sat there under my umbrella with our guitars. Ashly was an ashy greyish-brown color and Lauren was red like my hair.

Ryan handed Ashly to me and asked me to sing my song again. "Play a little slower, but harder, and put more stress on the chorus and emphasize the tag. Listen to the difference." I did as he asked me, I felt the difference with the first verses. Ryan stopped me in the middle of my song by grabbing my hand. "Stop! The song is so good, but it is so sad. Ashly is tuned to be sad and blusey, but your song and voice doesn't need the help. Please, don't play it anymore."

I smiled and nodded and handed him back his guitar. A few seconds later, he started to play a familiar song, so I picked up Lauren and started to strum along. We sat there for four more hours playing and dinging with each other. It felt so cool to play with someone and still be me. After a while though, I felt so spent that I had to put my guitar away. Ryan smiled and kept strumming on his guitar as I walked Lauren and my pad and pen back to the car.

Three hours of surfing and five hours of writing and playing, I was ready to just lay there and enjoy the sound of the surf and to think. I got on my belly and relaxed. Ryan followed my lead and layed next to me and we talked for 4 hours straight. We got to know each other, learned little things about each other, and we were just who we were.

Ryan went to put Ashly and his book away and I decided to check my phone. "Good Grief! 37 new Texts! Don't people know how to leave me alone when I am on vacation?!" I said. Ryan chuckled and then asked if everything was okay. I nodded, "Twitter, Facebook, Pokes, and 'R U OK?'"

Ryan chuckled once more and then he asked me if I was comming back out anymore.

"For the next 6 days. Just me and the waves! I took a week off from my life. I need a little time to myself you know, time for me to just be me again." I said with a smile.

Ryan nodded with a dimpled grin. "I will be out here every morning, noon, and night. I need a break from my own life too. It gets pretty crazy too."

Six days passed the same exact way. Surf, writing, playing with Ryan, talking, surfing more, and then the leaving. On the last day, Ryan gave me his phone number. "Call me. I have really enjoyed this week. I never in my life met anyone like you. I really hope we can hang out some time away from the beach. Just call me when you have some time. Okay?" He said.

I smiled at him and then I hugged him. Two days passed before I had a minute to call him. Every Friday evening and every single Saturday was spent with him for several months before we went on an official date. Every weekend a new song was written and every date a song was shared. Dating went on for months, then the question was sprung.

"Jenna, will you take on the responsibility as my other half? Will you sing my duet with me? Will you be my wife, my forever lover, my forever surf partner, my jewl? Will you marry me?" He said as he was down on one knee.

I cried tears of joy as I reached down and said yes. Ryan kissed me for the first time that night. He kissed my cheek, he said he wanted everything to be perfect for me. Five months passed and Ryan kissed me on the lips. The next month, he would give me his last name.

My wedding day was magical. Our vows got turned into a song that we got to sing ourselves, we even got to play on our guitars. My whole family was there. I had the perfect Princessy-Prom-Fairytale wedding I had always dreamed of.

Three years after that glorious day, I gave birth to my first child. I gave Ryan a daughter for his birthday. Ashlynn Lori Marie. She had my hair, her daddy's face, my attitude and smile, her daddys dimples and she was perfect.

In 18 years, her journey will begin. Her story will be written, and she will sing her song and find the other half of her duet. She will have her fairytale just like her parents. But until then, she is our treasure. She will inherit our talents and become greater than us, but until that day, we are happy to sing to our baby girl. Our Ashlynn Lori Marie!

The Filmstrip and the Choice

I look up and the sky is black, I look down, so is the ground. Everywhere I turn, it is black and dark. I look farther and I realize that I am all alone. Right before my eyes, I see a filmstrip appear out of nothingness, and on it, I see my life. I reach up to touch it, and the strip changes. I am a little girl once again. The scene goes from a little dreamer in a field, to a grown woman making her own way in life. There are a ton of people surrounding her, but the only see fame. They only see her money, materials, they only see the spotlight. They don't see her.

My heart begins to break. A small child is crying off in a corner. I see myself walk over to her and the crowd tightly follows. They follow like a dogs eyes follows food. I turn to shoo them away and then turn back to the little girl. I look into her eyes and face, and I see myself. The little girl begins to say, "My dreams will never come true! They are too big for me." I broke down inside. I knew I had said that as a little girl, so it broke my heart into a million pieces. I took the little girl by the hand and told her to follow me.

I took her over to the table where I was sitting and I held up a book and asked the little girl if she knew what it was.

"That is your book, you wrote it at 23," she replied and I nodded.

I pointed to my Fiance' who was doing autographs, "Who is that man over there?"

The little girl responded, "That's your husband. You met him when you was 22, he was semi-famous."

I smiled, this little girl was very smart. I wistled and waved at my husband and another woman in the room. I began to sing part of a familiar song and the little girl started singing along with me. I asked her if she knew who wrote it and who sings it.

"You wrote it when you was 24 and your best friend sang it on her debut album at 19. You have written over 50% of the songs on her albums, in fact, you were about to start your own label when you finish the last book in this series, your brother and your best friend are the first two going on the label," the little girl replied.

I looked away for a minute and started to cry. My husband and my best friend took 30 seconds away from their fans to see if I was okay, when I assured them I was, I looked back at the little girl.

"I was 18 when I fell in love for the first time, and 21 when I fell again. I dreamed at 22 that I would marry Mr. Perfect-For-Me, I dreamed even harder every day after I discovered my talent with words, that I would impact the nations with my words. I wrote these books with the hope they would sell better than the worlds best sellers, or at least sell as good as them.

I dreamed at 22 that I would marry that man over there, or at least one exactly like him, and I am wearing his grandmother's rings right now. I dreamed that my best friend would become a national singing star, but she is international. Her last four albums were completely composed of music that her boyfriend, her, my husband, and I wrote. Her latest single, I wrote at 15.

The best friend in book three that I mention, has three children, three! She wasn't supposed to have any. My husband is a world artist, my bestfriend is international, I am a best selling author, and I work in the music industry. Dreams do come true if you make them!"

I reach out to touch the little girl's arm, and the filmstrip changes. This time I am surrounded by nurses and children. There is familiar music playing in the background, and I look at myself, I am in a white coat and I have a stethescope around my neck.

I walk into the room, and there is another little girl crying in a chair. I look at her chart and realize why she is crying. Her mom looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"Help her, help us Dr. J, you understand with she is going through more than I do. I don't know how to comfort her, but you do.

I look down at the little girls medical charts and see that it is as full as mine used to be. I broke down in tears when I saw what kind of infection she had.

"I am cancelling every med that she is on. I am going to give her an I.V. med. I am going to get this thing before she goes through what I did. I am going to fix it, I promise, they don't call me the best for nothing. I have earned that title," I said boldly.

The little girl smiled and thanked me, but as I reached out to take her hand, the filmstrip changed again.

This time there was a little girl sitting on her bed writing in a little book. She is smiling as she is writing her thoughts. Suddenly, she looks up through the filmstrip and turns her book around so I can see what she has written: KEEP DREAMING, DREAM BIG, DREAM LOUD, DON'T LET ANYONE STOP YOU! I soon realize the little girl is me.

The strip disappears and a road appears out of nowhere. I follow it, and as I do I see scenes of my life flashing everywhere. I speed up my pace and *Wham* I crash into a road sign. There is a massive fork in the road. I look up at the sign, there are 3 ways I can go. As I reach my hand up to rub my eyes, I sit up in my bed. I realize I am still alone with my choice. I must make it.

Path 1, Pathe 2, Path 3.....which one will I choose?

Getting to Know Me!

you've been tagged or you are reading this, you have the honor of copying all these goofy questions, writing your own response, and tagging 25 other victims. You have to tag me so really you just need 24 more people. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you - but not in a creepy stalker kind of way.

1. What time did you get up this morning? around 10 i am tired..
2. How do you like your steak? Medium well
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Ugly Truth , it was so funny and so true!
4. What is your favorite TV show? CSI, Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, 1000 ways to die,
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Ireland!
6. What did you have for breakfast? pimento cheese sandwhich
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Shrimp
8. What foods do you dislike? Liver, gizzards, crab
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Ci Ci's, Jimmy's, Joes Crab Shack
10. Favorite dressing? French or Catalina
11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? Winstar...a van
12. What are your favorite clothes? NONE! lol....My jammies
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Wahington D.C.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? My cup runnith over!
15. Where would you want to retire? Anywhere close to home, but far away for peace.
16. Favorite time of day? Night time, party time....LOL
17. Where were you born? Dallas Texas
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Extreme sports...the X games
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? idk, prolly no one
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? idk...
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? everyone!
22. Bird watcher? of course...
23. Are you a mornig person or a night person? night!
24. Do you have any pets? Miss Piggy and some kittens
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? NOPE!
26. What did you want to be when you were little? a ballerina, and an actress!27. Are you a cat or dog person? both
28. Are you married? no only 21 lol
29. Always wear your seat belt? always
30. Been in a car accident? not really
31. Any pet peeves? leaving the cabinets open, wasting tea, wasting food, whining
32. Favorite Pizza Toppings? spinach
33. Favorite Flower? ALL OB DEM!
34. Favorite ice cream? Cookie Dough
35. Favorite fast food restaurant? wendy's
36. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None
37. From whom did you get your last email? MYSPACE
38. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Wal-Mart, best store ever!
39. Do anything spontaneous lately? Ran around in the rain today!
40. Like your job? aint got an official one yet, but watching michael isnt all that bad either...
41. Broccoli? absolutely
42. What was your favorite vacation? All the ones we used to go on as a family!
43. Last person you went out to dinner with? My Grandmother, Arby's
44. What are you listening to right now? Daft Punk
45. What is your favorite color? GREEN GREEN GREEN!
46. How many tattoos do you have? None
47. How many are you tagging for this quiz? as many as I can
48. What time did you finish this quiz? 11:22pm
50. Coffee Drinker? of course!
51. When did you notice there was no 49? when i put this question on here....lol

Glory to Glory

Your breath is sweeter the the roses.
Your voice is the most beautiful.
Your scent is heavily lingering, Hovering over this place.
Lord, I have never been here before.
I don't want to leave your presence.
This is such an awesome place.
This love, Liquid love pouring over me.
It's like a warm blanket keeping me safe.
I don't want to move from here.
I just wnat to bask in your Holy Glow.
My spirit is soaring High above the earth,
I don't want to go back there right now.
I could stay here forever, in your arms.
This is such a special place.
Lord how did I get here?
What did I do to be so special?
I love you Lord, Hold me tight, Never let me go.


Jenna Marie FainCopyright (c)2007 Jenna Marie Fain

The Darkness Takes Over

I sit alone in the darkend silence. My pain is raw, the wounds in my spirit are fresh. I feel the hot tears streaming down my face, I have not made a sound.

My breathing is slow but short. The Darkness is slowly taking over. The sound of my pounding heartbeat is the only thing I hear. Here comes more of the pain I was fighting.

My mind begins to go over the last event. The imagination has a way with my emotional standing. The depth of the darkness is peircing. Like a butcher to a chunk of beef, so my concience does with me feelings.

Regret, disgust, and fear fill my heart. Thoughts of suicide have entered the arena. Dare I to entertain the thought? A quick nap will help make the decision.

"This is the blackest black I have ever seen. What is the blistering on my flesh?Where is this heat coming from? This is way tintense.

Have I gone blind, I can not see what this is burning me. I am thirsty, where can I get some water? -I bite my tounge to try and produce some saliva. This is not working, the pain is excruciating.

I feel faint, shall I pass out, shall I fall away? Where am I? I seem to be the only one here, Who is there? What is that sound?

What is all this in my head? What is this constant screaming? I wish I was dead...Where is my sweet escape? When will this end?"

The thoughts of suicide dance in my head. How can I escape theese voices? "Get out of my head, leave now." I do not know how to escape.

Silence fills the room again. I see a faint light, coming towards me. This sweet sound fills the air. Silence falls again.

How will I ever know what that was, Why was it here for a second, and then gone. Like a vapor, it was here, then it was gone...I shall leave this peircing, silent darkness.

Lonliness

I hear a beckoning, something calls my name. I dont know what it is, yet. It is cold, and sad. Its lonliness. It takes a hold of my heart and squeezes it. This bitter lonliness has talons like an eagle and a voice like the thunder. Yelling, mocking me. It rips and tears, it makes fun of my pain. I am in love but it is not returned, the loliness still wins.

I pour my heart out on his lap, I thought he would recieve it. I was wrong, he just looks at it and says nothing. His gaze is empty, the lonliness calls me. Empty words just push my love aside, pushes my heart off onto the floor. Lonliness calls again. His thundering voice booms loud in my soul. I am left alone with out returned love.

Pain, searing pain. There is no relief for me. What once was everything, was now nothing. A broken heart left for the vultures to clean up. Lies, deception, broken promises, empty words. Is there anyone to clean up this mess that is me? Must I pick up the pieces of me myself? The darkness of unreturned love falls heavy and fast. There is no escape

My life will be a lonly one until someone helps me piece it back together. I will stay in the dark with lonliness, alone, hurt and broken.

The Pain I feel

The darkness comes, over powering me.

I cannot see my way out.

The light is gone and the darkness is cold.

The anger is coming now.

Like a blazing fire, it gets hot, and i cant see straight.

I see the red oozing like a festering sore.

It's getting worse, i feel fire in my veins.

I feel the rage building up.

I am ready to strike, like a snake I await the time to strike.

My enemies run in fear, I am evil waiting to happen.

I haven't been mad like this before. I only see red.

This is not a good place, for anyone.

I hear a noise, sharp, fierce, and terrifying.

I hear a scream, a yelp, someone is crying.

I don't care, I have exploded. My wrath has been brought.

I warned many not to push me. One day it would come.

Soon, I feel a rush of warmth, I look, there is blood.

The warm, red fluid runs down my hand.

What happened? How did this get here,

Where is the blood coming from?

I look, a pile of flesh cowering in the floor,

fear in their eyes. I did this?

What happened? Why, where did this come from?

I don't know how this came to be.

This isn't me. I can't, I didn't, did I?

It's not possible for me to act this way,

I am not a violent person.

I feel tears rushing my face now.

The person in the floor is terrified of me.

He walks in. I am bleeding, they are bleeding,

He looks at me. No, wait! Don't leave me.

"I'M SORRY!" I scream! I'm sorry.

He just stands there looking at me.

I crumple into the floor, my hands are shaking violently now.

He is still standing there, looking at us.

I look at the flesh pile, she is smiling at me,

I am shaking, I can't remember.

"I CAN'T REMEMBER!!" I scream at him.

He walks over to her, he saw her face.

She is fine, just a little blood, a little choked.

He looks at her damage, she is going to be fine.

He walks over to me, looking with intensity.

I'm still shaking, I can't feel him touching my skin.

I look at my hands, they are still bleeding.

I feel my head, it's fine, but my hands are not.

She smiles at me, "You loose" she mouths silently.

He continues to look, touch, check on me.

"Why?" He asks in a whispered tone,

I continue to quake,

"I can't remember what happened." I reply.

He sits on the floor beside me.

He pulls me to him, holding me,

Comforting me.

His touch is electric, I jerk away from him.

"NO! Choose! Now! This is what happened,

It was her. Rubbing your heart in my face.

'I have him, you loose you cow. You LOOSE!'

She pushed me, She finally broke me.

She ripped out my last shred of kindness!

She did it, YOU DID IT!" I shake violently again.

He cries, tears fall, He can't choose.

He looks at me, and he says loudly,

"I'm sorry, I thought I couldn't let you go, but now,

I have the strength to, I know where my heart wants to go,"

He turns to her, I cry, He's gone, Forever! I have lost.

She hugs him and thanks him and tries to kiss him,

He says, "Never in my life, have I ever wanted to slap a girl so bad.

Get out of my face. You are truly cold and heartless. BYE"

She smiles until she sees him walk over to me.

I cry, I try to push him away. I don't want to look at him,

I love him, I want him to leave me alone.

He grabs me, I scream in pain, "OUCH! Let me go,

You already made your point, you have chosen,"

He turns me to face him, I look to the floor to the right.

He raises his hand, I am scared, I flinch and cower,

He grabs my face and kisses me. HARD.

I try to fight it, but finally I give in.

I stood there, covered in blood, and he was kissing me.

Why would he do this to me?

He stops, "Goodbye you cow, I have my choice.

Right here in front of me. Covered in blood,

But still just as beautiful as the day I met her."

He smiles at me. Wiping away my tears,

He calls for an ambulance, all the while holding me.

Caressing me, protecting me. Loving me. Choosing me.

The paramedic arrived on the scene,

He pushed my protector away.

"He didn't do it, this is all me.

He just got here to call you for me."

The medic asked him, he replies,

"This is TRUE, Oh, sweetie, I love you."

A few fractured bones, bruised ribs,

and nasty gashes. This is the pain I'll see.

I do not remember a thing, I can't think of

how I ever got pushed that far.

The paramedic rush me to the ER

to fix my wounds and bones.

My heart was put together with one

simple call on the phone.

He made his choice and it was me.

Now the one with all the pain,

no longer I, but it is she.

He held me tightly in his arms,

loving me, holding me, caring for me.

He made his choice.

I lay there, on the hospital bed,

as he lay there next to me

kissing my sore head.

He loves me, he chose me,

Now I know that he is real.

The poor her can know first hand,

THE PAIN I HAD TO FEEL!