August 14, 2010

The Filmstrip and the Choice

I look up and the sky is black, I look down, so is the ground. Everywhere I turn, it is black and dark. I look farther and I realize that I am all alone. Right before my eyes, I see a filmstrip appear out of nothingness, and on it, I see my life. I reach up to touch it, and the strip changes. I am a little girl once again. The scene goes from a little dreamer in a field, to a grown woman making her own way in life. There are a ton of people surrounding her, but the only see fame. They only see her money, materials, they only see the spotlight. They don't see her.

My heart begins to break. A small child is crying off in a corner. I see myself walk over to her and the crowd tightly follows. They follow like a dogs eyes follows food. I turn to shoo them away and then turn back to the little girl. I look into her eyes and face, and I see myself. The little girl begins to say, "My dreams will never come true! They are too big for me." I broke down inside. I knew I had said that as a little girl, so it broke my heart into a million pieces. I took the little girl by the hand and told her to follow me.

I took her over to the table where I was sitting and I held up a book and asked the little girl if she knew what it was.

"That is your book, you wrote it at 23," she replied and I nodded.

I pointed to my Fiance' who was doing autographs, "Who is that man over there?"

The little girl responded, "That's your husband. You met him when you was 22, he was semi-famous."

I smiled, this little girl was very smart. I wistled and waved at my husband and another woman in the room. I began to sing part of a familiar song and the little girl started singing along with me. I asked her if she knew who wrote it and who sings it.

"You wrote it when you was 24 and your best friend sang it on her debut album at 19. You have written over 50% of the songs on her albums, in fact, you were about to start your own label when you finish the last book in this series, your brother and your best friend are the first two going on the label," the little girl replied.

I looked away for a minute and started to cry. My husband and my best friend took 30 seconds away from their fans to see if I was okay, when I assured them I was, I looked back at the little girl.

"I was 18 when I fell in love for the first time, and 21 when I fell again. I dreamed at 22 that I would marry Mr. Perfect-For-Me, I dreamed even harder every day after I discovered my talent with words, that I would impact the nations with my words. I wrote these books with the hope they would sell better than the worlds best sellers, or at least sell as good as them.

I dreamed at 22 that I would marry that man over there, or at least one exactly like him, and I am wearing his grandmother's rings right now. I dreamed that my best friend would become a national singing star, but she is international. Her last four albums were completely composed of music that her boyfriend, her, my husband, and I wrote. Her latest single, I wrote at 15.

The best friend in book three that I mention, has three children, three! She wasn't supposed to have any. My husband is a world artist, my bestfriend is international, I am a best selling author, and I work in the music industry. Dreams do come true if you make them!"

I reach out to touch the little girl's arm, and the filmstrip changes. This time I am surrounded by nurses and children. There is familiar music playing in the background, and I look at myself, I am in a white coat and I have a stethescope around my neck.

I walk into the room, and there is another little girl crying in a chair. I look at her chart and realize why she is crying. Her mom looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"Help her, help us Dr. J, you understand with she is going through more than I do. I don't know how to comfort her, but you do.

I look down at the little girls medical charts and see that it is as full as mine used to be. I broke down in tears when I saw what kind of infection she had.

"I am cancelling every med that she is on. I am going to give her an I.V. med. I am going to get this thing before she goes through what I did. I am going to fix it, I promise, they don't call me the best for nothing. I have earned that title," I said boldly.

The little girl smiled and thanked me, but as I reached out to take her hand, the filmstrip changed again.

This time there was a little girl sitting on her bed writing in a little book. She is smiling as she is writing her thoughts. Suddenly, she looks up through the filmstrip and turns her book around so I can see what she has written: KEEP DREAMING, DREAM BIG, DREAM LOUD, DON'T LET ANYONE STOP YOU! I soon realize the little girl is me.

The strip disappears and a road appears out of nowhere. I follow it, and as I do I see scenes of my life flashing everywhere. I speed up my pace and *Wham* I crash into a road sign. There is a massive fork in the road. I look up at the sign, there are 3 ways I can go. As I reach my hand up to rub my eyes, I sit up in my bed. I realize I am still alone with my choice. I must make it.

Path 1, Pathe 2, Path 3.....which one will I choose?

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