Music and Love and Such

So, I went to Winter Jam 2011 last friday, so the 18th of February. I had a blast, and so did my little brother and his friend. We stayed all the way until Newsboys sang "Jesus Freak." Zach and I got to meet Chris August, which made my day even better.



So the music was awesome, if I can remember correctly, these are all the artists that were there, and in no particular order:



Jason Castro, Chris August, New Song, Sidewalk Prophets, KJ-52, Kutless, RED, Newsboys, David Crowder Band, Francesca Battistelli



This concert was about the best one I had ever attended, I'm not saying it was better, and I'm not saying it wasn't better. I had gone to see Celtic Thunder last year, and it was an experience you had to go through to fully understand. God has blessed me with the abilities to go and see these artists, and because of that, I must believe that He loves me. This pushes me into my next observation, the Love that God has shown me is making me grow as a young lady and as a Christian.

God must really be preparing me for something ahead in my future. It seems that everytime I turn around there is another opportunity for me to grow. There is something there to reward me, something there to teach me, and there is always something there that is going to put me through the refiners fire again. I have just been rewarded with Winter Jam. Now I am entering the learning portion of my blessings. I got to help lead worship Sunday night, the 20th. Not to toot my own horn, but if I am going to be singing and leading God's people into an intamate place with him, I am going to have to learn to go there too. I am gonig to have to be more contientious of the things I do and say. I also am going to have to get some confidence in myself.

I don't think I have a great voice, I don't even think it's good, but I have been told by many, (excluding my family and friends that don't want to hurt my feelings) that I have a very unique voice, and that I am talented. Okay, I know I am talented, I can write, act, and dance...even though I am fat. Lol. But having the skill and talent to sing, that is just one gift I don't think I posses, but apparently I do. So to teach me, God is pulling me out of my comfort zone and putting me in front of a microphone, (where I am the most TERRIFIED!) Not only is this a learning season, this is a fire season. I know I am going to be bombarded with things that are not of God, I am going to have to put up my shield and press through. I am going to have to climb the mountain, go through the valley, and come out knowing that I achieved a goal that God wanted me to achieve.

The such part of it all though, would have to be that God is loving me, and blessing me and my music, I am going to have to see what the Love and Music is doing at the end of this journey. Music may be one of my biggest passions in life. God blessed me with the ability to read music, so therefore I can learn to play guitar and piano. I have both, a keyboard and a lovely little guitar. NOW, if only I had the time and patience to learn to play them. Well actually, I need a power cord so I can play the piano, and I think I am going to buy an electric guitar off of my best friends little sister. It's brand new, only been tinkered on twice! Great deal ya know! Lol

Okay enough of my rambling, gotta go before these girls kill me for pecking on the keyboard. I'm using the computer lab computers, so the typing is very loud and nervewracking ! LOL!! XD


Love and Peace,

Hobbitt

Being Analytical

So, I have a friend that is awesome! He knows a TON about music, much more than I do. I think that is about the coolest thing about him, he can tell you all about different songs, I can't do that. BUT I am a poet, I can paint you a picture with my words, which is odd. It takes me a LONG time to decipher a song, and yet I can tell you what a poem means after reading it twice. Even odder, most of the time, I can sing along the second or third time that I have heard a song, but ask me to recite a poem and my mind goes blank.

No worries though. I have it all figured out. I can be the writer, with my imagery in my head. I will think of ways to hide the meaning. Instead of pronouncing my feelings or the idea so that it is clear, I will find a way to hide the messages! HHAA! I'll maketh him guess!!

I just think it would be fun to hide the meaning for once. Mom said I needed counseling last night after she read one of my old poems. She thought I was depressed when I wrote it, I was just as happy as could be when I did. I can just paint an image with my words, not to toot my own horn, but I just realized how good I am.

I have not ever thought I was any good until recently. I showed a poem to several of my 'online friends' and one of them said "Tragic.....and it somehow draws you into the pain...nicely done."

That may not seem like much to many of you all, but that just struck me. I apparently have more talent than I let myself think. Now I just need to be able to hide myself in a piece. Hmmmm.....ideas?? Leave some comments!!

My Personal Haunting

I can still feel your arms around me,

but I know you are not there.

I can still smell your scent,

but I still know you are not there.

I can still hear your voice saying my name,

i know you are not there.

Oh, how your memory haunts me.

I can still taste your kiss on my lips,

but I know you are not there.

I can even still see you there in the bed,

but I know you are not there.

You are still lingering about, everywhere,

But i know you are Not there!

Your memory haunts me, heart and soul.

I miss it, all of it, but please, let me go.

I am in agony, torn between present and past

Who I am, is drifting away fast.

I try to let you go, but I can't.

You are here, haunting me.

I feel like I am holding on to a dream,

a fantasy, my perfect fairy tale.

I can't have it though, your grip is too strong.

Please, I want freedom again, please let me go.

I am begging you, your memory is like a

chain and ball. I try to escape, but again I fall.

I remember the fire in your touch,

the electricity in your sweet embrace.

I remember the comforting fragrance of your skin,

the smell of your shirt, as I rest on your chest again.

I remember that voice, soft and smooth as you sang for me,

as you whispered how you missed me.

I remember the taste of your kiss, lingering on my lips.

That precious, spontaneous first kiss.

I remember you on the couch, sitting there as

you held me, and I held you close.

I am torn, even more. I can't let go and I want to move on.

Your memory captivates me, I can't get away from you.

I don't know what I should do.

Your memory is haunting me,

I need some light to lift the darkness.

This place terrifies me,

I am alone with my memories. I miss you,

and I love you, but if you have one shred

of love left for me, please let me go.

Let me move on, I do not want to forget,

I just want to move on.

Please let me go.

Please...

Oh, How I Hate Valentines Day

Here it is, that time of year again. Today is already a not so hot day because a friend of mine killed himself five years ago, and my hormones are out of whack and my emotions are all over the place.

My little sister got married today. I am happy for that, I am glad that she is married and happy. I wish for nothing but the best for her. Don't get me wrong and think that I am jealous, because I am not. Both of my sisters are happily with someone they love. My youngest however is not married yet, not until May. And that is good. I want them to be married. It seems that every year I come to the same conclusion. I hate Valentines Day. I can't stand all the mushy gushy lovey dovey junk. It's a waste of my life. If someone wants to love, they can tell me to my face.

A few days ago, I had the third best day of my life. Someone told me that they loved me. That made me great, until I realized that it's not the love I wanted. I appreciate that he cares, and it feels good to know that he loves me, but I want him to really love me. I have probably been crying for about 30 minutes now.

I think I may have messed up royally. My friend, who is a girl likes to text, so she tattled to my friend who is a guy that I was upset. I don't like to lie, and I won't lie to him. I am honest, I told him why I was upset. Normal girl insecurities. I am so crazy about this guy, my guy friend. He is one of the best things to ever happen to me. I wish there were more guys like him in the world. The kind that you can trust, like I trust him. But honestly, I am tired of the way I feel at times.

Valentine's Day only makes it worse. All I see are couples, and hearts, and love stuff, and candles, and candies, and stupid cards!! I feel like I want to shout from the rooftops that I have the best guy in my life, even if he is my friend only, he is still the best. I hate Valentine's Day because I can't share my heart with the world.

They should make a holiday for the anti-valentines day...I would love that holiday! I can't stand it, I want so bad to love it, but I can't. I am sick of that holiday. It's stupid. I hate it, it always ruins my birthday. EVERY YEAR! My birthday is February 11th, and I haven't had one birthday that was truly happy in quite some time. I want to be happy, but I am not allowed that joy.

I think I just lost the greatest thing to happen to me besides salvation. Maybe one day my prince will come, because I am not settling for less than the best. I still hate Valentine's Day, and I hope all of my friends who love it will leave me out of it. I want nothing to do with that dreadful holiday!!!