Oh, How I Hate Valentines Day

Here it is, that time of year again. Today is already a not so hot day because a friend of mine killed himself five years ago, and my hormones are out of whack and my emotions are all over the place.

My little sister got married today. I am happy for that, I am glad that she is married and happy. I wish for nothing but the best for her. Don't get me wrong and think that I am jealous, because I am not. Both of my sisters are happily with someone they love. My youngest however is not married yet, not until May. And that is good. I want them to be married. It seems that every year I come to the same conclusion. I hate Valentines Day. I can't stand all the mushy gushy lovey dovey junk. It's a waste of my life. If someone wants to love, they can tell me to my face.

A few days ago, I had the third best day of my life. Someone told me that they loved me. That made me great, until I realized that it's not the love I wanted. I appreciate that he cares, and it feels good to know that he loves me, but I want him to really love me. I have probably been crying for about 30 minutes now.

I think I may have messed up royally. My friend, who is a girl likes to text, so she tattled to my friend who is a guy that I was upset. I don't like to lie, and I won't lie to him. I am honest, I told him why I was upset. Normal girl insecurities. I am so crazy about this guy, my guy friend. He is one of the best things to ever happen to me. I wish there were more guys like him in the world. The kind that you can trust, like I trust him. But honestly, I am tired of the way I feel at times.

Valentine's Day only makes it worse. All I see are couples, and hearts, and love stuff, and candles, and candies, and stupid cards!! I feel like I want to shout from the rooftops that I have the best guy in my life, even if he is my friend only, he is still the best. I hate Valentine's Day because I can't share my heart with the world.

They should make a holiday for the anti-valentines day...I would love that holiday! I can't stand it, I want so bad to love it, but I can't. I am sick of that holiday. It's stupid. I hate it, it always ruins my birthday. EVERY YEAR! My birthday is February 11th, and I haven't had one birthday that was truly happy in quite some time. I want to be happy, but I am not allowed that joy.

I think I just lost the greatest thing to happen to me besides salvation. Maybe one day my prince will come, because I am not settling for less than the best. I still hate Valentine's Day, and I hope all of my friends who love it will leave me out of it. I want nothing to do with that dreadful holiday!!!